Happy Women's Day!

(Being without reliable internet access in the last few cities, we’re still catching up with our diaries of each city. Jumping out of order, this is a real-time post.)

Today is Women’s Day in India. It is the day to celebrate the contributions women make to Indian society. The front pages of all the morning papers we read over breakfast this morning were devoted entirely to women’s issues. It's great to see this discussed, but some of the information was shocking to western senses.

Theoretically, India is very protective of women. Its Constitution guarantees women equality, no discrimination by the State, equal opportunity, and equal pay. There are also special provisions renouncing practices derogatory to the dignity of women. India also has had one female Prime Minister, Indira Gandhi (no relation to Mahatma Gandhi) - which is more than we can say for the United States. Its current President, although a ceremonial position without much real power, is a woman, Pratiibha Devisingh Patil. The President of the Indian National Congress, the chief member of the ruling coalition, is Sonia Gandhi, who was born in Italy and educated in England.

But underlying societal norms have painted a much different reality for most women. A survey of single and married women (half working and half not working) published in today’s paper found that:

* 53 percent believe that the woman’s parents or husband should be the ones to decide what a woman can or can’t do for evening entertainment. Three percent thought this should be the job of the “moral police” and only 42 percent thought that the woman herself should choose.

* 54 percent believe that the woman’s parents or husband should decide how she spends her own money. Only 46 percent believe the woman herself should decide.

As shocking as these numbers are, they include responses from women only. It is likely that the overall sentiment of the population--with men’s views included--would be much more skewed toward taking power away from women. This is not surprising in a country where societal norms cause about 45 percent of all women to be married by the age of 18.

Selective abortions and female infanticide are also big problems. The ratio of women to men is steadily declining, more so in lower caste groups and in rural areas. In some areas, the number of women to men has fallen below 8:10. This is a sad state of affairs indicative of a society that does not value women.

About 26 percent of Indian women work outside the home. One of the newspapers (the dna) devoted its entire front page to the issues of working women. After reading the first few paragraphs, it became apparent that this was propaganda to try to convince women not to work. For example, they claim that:

Long hours and strict deadline cause 75% of working women to suffer from depression or general anxiety disorder.

68% of working women surveyed in the age bracket of 21-2 years were found to be suffering from lifestyle ailments such as obesity, depression, chronic backache, diabetes, and hypertension.

77% of women surveyed avoided regular check-ups.

While it’s great to see these issues discussed in the open, they don’t tell you how many men suffer similar problems. Long hours, strenuous work, and low pay likely cause both men and women to suffer from physical and psychological ailments. It seems that the underlying problems (such as extreme poverty, the lack of labor protections, and the lack of unions) is ignored and they are instead portraying women as lacking the ability to cope in a male-dominated working world.

The extreme poverty here is seen in the wages women laborers earn. In rural areas, women earn an average of Rs. 29 (about 60 cents) per day. It’s only slightly higher (Rs. 37.7 – about 75 cents per day) in the urban areas.

Another social issue that directly affects women is how Indian culture treats gay men. Indian law criminalizes homosexuality. Rather than overt homophobia, many Indians simply pretend that homosexuality does not exist. For example, when Brian and I check into a hotel and I ask for a king-sized bed, I am asked several times (and with strange looks) to confirm that we do, indeed, want only one bed. So far, our request has been honored without any harassment, but it is clearly seen as being unusual. At one hotel, the staff asked our neighbors (a straight couple who we had befriend) about the nature of our relationship. He asked “are they brothers, or are they . . . .” They responded “They’re Americans.”

While this was amsuing for us (because we get to go home to our bubble in San Francisco), it is a symptom of a much more pernicious problem. A survey in today’s paper shows that this taboo causes 70 percent of gay men to marry a woman by the age of 30. Outside of major metropolitan areas, this number rises to 82 percent. Unfortunately, the man does not tell the innocent woman he married about the ruse. Tragically, many men participate in unprotected sex with men and bring STD’s back to his wife. Sooner or later, many women realize that their husband is gay. A large number of these marriage breakdown in a bitter divorce, often leaving children in the middle and leaving the woman single and shamed, often destined to live in even more extreme poverty. Under Indian law, homosexuality is not a legitimate ground for a divorce. But impotence is, so many a gay man is designated by the courts as “impotent.”

I'll end on an amusing note. One of the newspaper's above-the-fold headline was a list of tips for men about celebrating Women's Day. I think all of us men can learn something, so I'll post all the tips:

Here's how you can make Women's Day memorable for the woman in your life:

* Cook and serve her breakfast in bed

* Talk less and listen more

* Gift her a session at the spa

* Fold you shirts yourself and put them in the cupboard, neatly

* Keep towels where they're meant to be

* Take her on a shopping trip with no specified end-time

* If you're too lazy to do the above, at least wish her a Happy Women's Day

Happy Women's Day!!